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I’m feigning sickness for applause
I’m fucking high on the withdrawal
I need to ease myself into
Becoming nothing at fucking all
I’m lectured circuitry, combust
Become a fucking streak of light
I need all eyes on me
As I die in pathetic frustration
Will you remember who I am?
I haven’t seen your face in years
I’m accidental eagerness
I’m fucking shaking from the fear
I need to know how much you love
I need to feel how much you hate
I second guess my will to be
My love, two minutes too fucking late
I’m feigning sickness for applause
I’m feigning sickness for applause
I space on calling out your name
I feel your fingers fall out of mine
I’ve made a life, to live in vain,
Out of feeling left be-fucking-hind
I inch in closer to the clasp
I feel the metal burn my tongue
A smile, I’ve ached to see for years
Oh god I was so fucking young
I’m feigning sickness for applause
There’s no recovery at all
I exist as fight or flight
My lips are leaking off my jaws
I’m feigning sickness for applause
I'll drag you down into my rot
I feel ashamed for what it’s worth
I just need you to know
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2. |
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Listen to me bleed, I need your eyes on me
Feign your excitement for my list of insecurities
I’ll watch your eyes ignite, I’ll watch your lips sit still
I’ll do the least that you need, beige shaded window sill
You’re so amazing, do you see what I see
I’d peel my stomach with my fingers just to show you inside of me
We’re only dying inside, we’re only here just to be
I'll do whatever it takes if you just swear not to leave
I’m unfamiliar and unreal
Please fucking teach me how to feel
I’m unfamiliar and unreal
Please form a stare that I can steal
Your beard in mine, my hand in yours
My liquid spine I’m not like the other girls
My skin is grey and yours is lace
My gums are leaking down my face
I wanna hear you, I wanna know you
Want you to love me, do I love you?
Can you hear me? I’m here below you
I’m so lonely, I need to show you
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3. |
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I’ve been dreaming of flying debris
A double barrel that removes me from me
I’m always the last one awake
I’m tired of falling asleep
I’ve been dreaming in car crash scenes
The separation, a mountain between
300 miles between myself and the take off
It’s that uncertainty
I need the eyes to leak from my skull
A fucking mess, convoluted yet empty
A force of nature like a brick to the face
An imbalance, I’ve known fucking plenty
My nervous system rings through with gun powder
My skin is coarse, dressed down for sleep
I’ve got my mission, an hour glass in the distance
Sorry for the promises I can’t keep
And I don’t want to die but I never got to feel alive
It’s just these voices, these contusions, this corrosion of modern art
And I wish that I was brave enough to finally let it end but I just can’t or I just won’t or something along those lines
Please just fucking kill me
Or please don’t fucking miss me
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4. |
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I betray progression with every second I spend breathing
Never ceasing to amaze, bleeding simply to fucking bleed
Aching touches, passing glances
A thousand eyes, a thousand hands and
A thousand ways for me to say I can’t fucking do this on my own
And you’re so enigmatic, I wish I lived between your skin and bones
A selfless type of existence
Working only to be alone
And I can feel your breath, I feel your lips
I feel the spaces between
I don’t know anything about myself that isn’t killing me
(I am parasitic like a curse to stay alive
I am falling faster in the space between your eyes)
A st-st-stutter like a gut punch, do or die
I see the motions of the nails cutting through my spine
I’m fucking imagery, a dying spark caught in the rain
I play the part of sycophancy for forgiveness’ sake
A classic game, a song for two
You be yourself I’ll be you too
I’m just so lonely, I need you to see
Would you be ok drowning with me?
I’ll keep you safe, I’ll keep you clean
Ill catch my words before they leave
My fears are what keep me unique
Just please don’t get too bored of me
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5. |
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I strain my eyes to look at you
In the fluorescent light above the bathroom sink
I’m content with losing you
If it means I’ll no longer have to fucking think
My skin’s decrepit and crumbling
I bleed from wounds that I forgot I had
A mountain is just too high to climb
From my view alone, safe in bed
I’m not making any lasting impressions
I’m just begging for your acceptance
Am I a constant in the backdrop of your eyes?
Am I together like the broken fingered clasp that I crave?
If you’re not real than I’m not real
It’s all nothingness, it’s all too much to feel
I’m content with the existence of a cigarette
Cast away once it’s been sucked dry of all it’s worth
Am I truly capable of loving anyone?
I’m just so desperate for you to think of me
Will I ever find someone who loves me like you?
Keep me locked underneath your skin for safe keeping
I am imbalance, I’m festering claustrophobia
There is no growing once the weeds have taken root
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